Our names are NOT "Hey" or "Yo", nor do we
respond to whistles or banging your bottle or glass on the bar!
If you ever do get your drink you can be sure we will serve everyone
else at the bar before we decide to serve you.
Mouth closed, money out! Just because we look at you, doesn't
mean we're ready for you! Just because we haven't looked at you
doesn't mean that we don't know you are there. WE KNOW YOU ARE
If we are making drinks, do NOT say, "When you get a chance."
When we get a chance, you will know!
Never....ever...."EVER".... touch the bartender!
DO NOT tell us you bartend too! We'll know if you do or don't
by the way you conduct yourself!
There is NO SUCH DRINK called 'Ketel One and Vodka'!!!
If you order a "Diet Rum and Coke" instead of "rum
and Diet Coke", we will look at you like the drunk asshole
idiot that you are!
DO NOT start the order off with, "GIVE ME A STRONG DRINK!"
You are guaranteed to have the WEAKEST DRINK EVER!!
DO NOT say "I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU" if you don't know
what that means! $1.00 tip is NOT taking care of us! I REPEAT!!!!
LEAVING ONE DOLLAR ($1.00) IS "NOT" TAKING CARE OF
THE CHICK BARTENDERS)10. We don't
care who you are or who you know - the guy before you hit on us
too... and the guy before him and the guy before him... We're
bartenders, --WE'RE NOT GOING HOME WITH YOU!!!!!
Waving your money at us just annoys us - We know you're there
and we'll get to you when we get to you!!!
NO TIPPIE, NO DRINKIE! (Go back and read rule #9 again)
Do not COMPLAIN ABOUT PRICES!! Jesus.......if you want to act
like a big shot and order an expensive drink.....don't ruin it
by compaining about the price. Order something cheaper next time.
Yes, there IS alcohol in it! If you can't taste it, you've drank
too much and I should cut you off! IF you want me to put another
shot in it, you will pay for it.
NO SLEEPING ON THE BAR! if we wanted to see you sleep we would
go home w/ you. (Read rule ten again)
Don't ask me to name EVERY beer in stock. You know what the hell
you drink so just order it and stop wasting my time. I'll tell
you if I don't have it.
If you are ordering food, don't ask me to read the menu to you.
I am not your personal assistant. If you can't order your own
food than don't leave the house.
If you do tip us well and we buy you a drink, DO NOT anounce to
the WHOLE bar that the Bartender "hooked you up" You
will never get another free drink again!!!!
Please do not tell us your personal "stories" b/c we
don't care and quite frankly....we just don't have the time. Just
give us your order and tip us in dollars...not with paper roses
or old valentines day candy.
Don't come to my bar and act like a big dog just because you are
wearing a suit. Chances are I make more than you do and have more
fun doing it so take a step back, relax and get over yourself.
If by some chance you've mustered up the courage to pass your
phone number over the bar without my asking, flattered as I may
be....I still may not call you so don't get all pissy and give
me dirty looks on future visits to my bar.
DO NOT assume that we are allowed to give a few drinks away because
not all bars are the same. And certainly DO NOT ask me for a free
drink because you tipped me well. As much as I appreciate your
generosity........I can assure you that your tip will not be enough
to pay my bills for the month.
DO NOT ask me the price of every drink before you order. The only
question you're allowed is "Do you have any specials?"
Order what you want to drink. It's early, if you find that choice
was to expensive for your taste, you have plenty of time to adjust
your next drink choice accordingly. Note: Beer costs less than
hard liquor. Domestics cost less than imports. Anything you've
learned to drink from rap videos or hollywood movies is usually
priced out the ass so either bring a lot of cash to the bar or stop trying to
be a high roller. OH, and IF U DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO TIP
ALONG WITH PURCHASING THAT HIGHLY PRICED DRINK......U DON'T HAVE
ENOUGH FOR THE DRINK. PERIOD YO!!!! You know who you are.
When ordering a mixed drink, the liquor comes before the mixer.
Don't order a cranberry with vodka! It is vodka and cranberry.
When you finally get our attention do not turn around and then
ask your group of friends what they want. We will walk away and
make you wait until you
are actually ready to order and that would be nice. We may make
you wait longer!
Just be respectful and I'm sure you will see a difference in your
bartender's response time. I know it's hard for some of you to
understand what that means. If you still don't know, go back and
read this whole thing over and over until you grasp a firm understanding
of the concept. Thank you!!!!
Now go have a good time.
Do NOT string-order your drinks. Tell me what you want... your
FULL order, if I forget, I will ask YOU. If I come to you with
your 2 little drinks and you say, " and can I get..."
NO, you cant. I am busy, there are other people waiting, and you
should've told me the first time I asked you what you wanted.
Now you'll have to wait.
Do NOT ask me for a free drink on your birthday. Do you go to
the grocery store and ask for a free loaf of bread too? Do you
go to the gas station and ask for free gas? If I want to buy you
a drink, I will if I feel like it. NOT just because its your birthday...
When you say, "I tip at the end of the night." or "
I'll take care of you later." We already know you're going
to be a cheap-ass and not tip at all. Nice try.
(Refering to #1) Even if you DO know my name, yelling it across
the bar will not get me to serve you any quicker. As a matter
of fact, it will probably annoy the piss out of me and will once
again result in you waiting longer.
If you want the other bartender to serve you, dont ask me to get
them for you. If you're standing in front of me, that is most
likely my station and no, I wont go get them for you. Walk your
happy ass down to the other end of the bar and get them yourself.
I might throw in that you're probably not as special as you think
and now you'll probably wait longer, because I could have served
(Refering #4) Do NOT lean as far as you can over the bar, in case
I didnt see you. I see you. Really, I do.
If you use a credit/debit card, do NOT make me continuously run
your card through for just one round. Open a tab. When you close
it, be sure you are not going to want anything else. I am not going to run your credit
card all night long each time you just want "one more round."
Also, cash tips are always better! Thanks.
If you spill your drink because you're drunk, then NO, Im not
giving you another one. You dont need another one if you cant
hold on to the one I just made you. Also, if you tell me, "someone
threw my drink away." well too bad! You shouldnt have left
it unattended anyways!
If you want to buy a drink for "that girl over there"
then I hope you know what she's drinking. I dont. And no, I wont
go find out, or leave the bar to serve it to her.
Last call is LAST CALL! FINISH YOUR DRINK AND GET THE FUCK OUT!
No, you cant stay after everyone else has left. You're not the
only friend I have, nor are the first person to ask. Just leave
before you get yelled at, or I do!
If I am nice enough to call a taxi for you, you better be outside
when it gets there. Enough said.